polypenguin - if this was intended as a blog, than you posted in the wrong place.
That being said, I am glad that you are able to listen. I also like to look for the best in people and it cost me dearly; when we overlooked or didn't notice a friend's tendency to intentionally cause chaos all around him (he likens himself to Loki) and involved him in our relationship with Wendigo's wife. It took a year before the full extent of the damage to us all was known and ultimately cost Runic Wolf and I our beloved Pretty Lady and all respect and friendship towards said friend. We tried talking to him about his actions and he laughed it off, so do no expect that your conversation with them will magically make them stop their behaviors.