Thread: Marvel's Tale
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Old 04-09-2012, 04:46 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Originally Posted by Marvel View Post
As for seeing myself poly I honestly don't know. My husband has said that if we open our marriage that means it is open for both of us, but like I mentioned in my other post in the advice section, I have had some health problems that have made me very sensitive about my body. One commenter said that I should not worry about that, that there are men that like women of all kinds, but it's difficult. I have been with only my husband for so long, and happy to be so, I don't think I even know what it's like to flirt any more. Certainly since my health problems led to my weight gain I have put thoughts of other men out of mind because they just see an unattractive large woman I'm sure because they don't know what I've been through. My husband knows all that has happened to me, and he makes me feel secure enough to be myself. I can be sexy with him because I know he is not judging me.
How sexy could you feel if you have two men not judging you?

And I know, believe me, how difficult it is to read what others say and think it might apply to you ~ especially when it's about body image. My health is crap (I have a genetic condition that makes my joints dislocate, at random. It's very painful and causes many other issues as well, including GI. At my heaviest, I was 75 pounds overweight). My problem is more that I feel like a playboy bunny on the inside...which doesn't in any way match what's on the outside. I just wanted to testify that your body image doesn't have a helluva lot to do with how other people see you.

Originally Posted by Marvel View Post
I guess I worry that being with another woman who likes the kinky things he wants and doesn't have body issues will change his thinking of me, that he will begin to judge me by her.
This is what prompted me to reply. I see a lot of folks say this. I haven't come to this from your experience. (I'm in a vee with two boyfriends who were previously exes, and I asked them for this) What it has done is made me love both of them more. For allowing it. For loving me anyway. I'm so much more tolerant of their flaws because I have both of them. In my case, they are also friends (the three of us have always been friends). But I will point out, I live in the (mostly) same mono culture as you, and it's been challenging, I think for all of us (probably me most of all).

Originally Posted by Marvel View Post
I want him to be happy, I want to keep our marriage, but I am feeling less secure in our relationship than I used to.
Of course you are! Your world as you knew it has turned upside down. Give yourself a break. And give yourself, and him, some time to show that it might not actually be upside down, it's maybe like adding a new room (or suite).
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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