Thread: What can I do?
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Old 04-09-2012, 04:42 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
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Originally Posted by Marvel View Post
I want my husband JN to be happy, and he says that having the freedom to sleep with other women will let him explore BDSM and have other relationships and that this will make him happy.

But I am afraid that he will find someone younger, thinner, prettier, with fewer health problems or that is into BDSM like him and then he will leave me for them.

How am I supposed to get past this fear?
I had the very same fears when my husband and I were first talking about opening up our relationship. Eventually I came to the conclusion of why would I want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me? Monogamy doesn't gaurentee that someone will stay with you, it feels like a safety net but it really isn't. By him exploring other relationships and still chosing to be with you can really help to solidify in your mind that he wants to be with you. It's a leap of faith though and you can't really be sure of what is going to happen until you take that step.

Originally Posted by Marvel View Post
He also mentioned the other day that it would only be fair for me to be allowed to sleep with other men it I wanted to. That upset me because I wasn't sure what he really meant by that. Does he care so little? Is he hoping I will find someone else so he can leave me and feel less guilty about it because I am not alone? Or is this some kind of way of tricking me into going along with this? He really doesn't want me to see other men, and given my weight knows that the chances of anyone wanting me are about zero, and knows that I can't think of anyone but him, but because we can both do it, it's all okay?
Do YOU want to see other men? That's where to desision should be made. If you're not intested or not comfortable with the idea don't do it just because it would be fair. There are men out there who are interested in all different types of women so your weight isn't going to be a hurdle if you are interested in seeking out another relationship.

That being said I think that you have some work to do in the self love department. It sounds to me like you consider yourself to be someone who is undesierable and unworthy of love and attention. Loving yourself is so important. Does your husband tell you that he wants you and that he finds you attractive? If he does work on believing him and try to see yourself through his eyes ( I know this is easier said than done). You're harder on yourself than anyone else would be. Work on talking to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Focus on the positives in your appearance and personality.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
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