There is a very limited amount of set house work that the two of them have to do. The one, has to take care of the few things i requested and the other does most of the other work. It seems to have worked for them in the past prior to me and i will not change it right now. Do i agree with it, no. But again i don't know the financials and who pays for what and so on. I still do not agree that the person making more money should have less work to do in the house, but what they have until i am there is what they have. I have only asked for a few simple task to be done.
I would have hoped after being together now 5 months that these would be easy task, but they still seem to hard to get completed. There was also what i would call a agreement between them that the one who cleans almost everything as it is, would do the things that i asked in exchange for something else. I for one still feel like this is a cop out, but whatever works for them, works for them i guess. When i move in, things may change and i just worry that i am going to turn the ones world upside down and he will not be able to take the pressure.
As for being in a closed triad, this is the one and only chance i think i will give it. If it works great and if not, i will move on and have had a great experience with two men.
Originally Posted by Jericka
If you need a cleaner place to live, and their not assisting in this is causing you too much stress...
Do you have either a deal breaker, or a reason to live separately?
Just think about what you actually need.
I live by myself. At the moment, if there's a mess, it's my mess. If there is cat hair I can sweep it up. I do keep the bedroom door closed to keep the cats off the bed and off that carpet, because although I am not allergic, my Love is.
I WAS married for almost ten years, and the way we handled housework was that we both worked on housework, but different things(he was happier vacuuming, I was happier mopping) at the same time for whatever amount of time. We cleaned up our own dishes the day they were used. We each did our own laundry.
Housework agreements that are not followed can really cause a lot of hurt and resentment. If there are no consequences for your housemates and they can count on you doing it all....then you need to find some way of heading off the resentment that I know that I would feel in your shoes. They either need to find a way to compensate you, or, you may need to find a space for yourself free of pet hair.
The other problem is that of communication. You have talked about it, but, they haven't really understood or they have gotten away without any of the possible consequences. Boundaries aren't any good if you can't bring yourself to enforce them.
Good luck with your triad. I wouldn't be able to do a closed triad, but, I'm not you.