Vin: He has told me that he is very happy in our marriage, that he loves me very much, and that my weight does not affect the love and desire he feels for me and has all these years. We had some hard times a few years ago when he, like a lot of other people we knew, was unemployed for a long time. It was hard on him as his family gave him a lot of crap and made him feel like he was letting me and the kids down. He has said that those times made him love me more because I stood by him when a lot of other women would have left.
We are quite close and still regularly have sex when other couples we know aren't or hardly ever.
I think that's why this has shocked me so much. I was to trust that nothing he feels for me has changed, but somehow hearing him say he wants to be able to have sex with others makes me feel like all the things he's told me were not entirely true, that he's been dishonest to me or to me and himself. I don't feel that way 100% of the time, but when I do, it hurts a lot.
I sometimes feel that he is saying what he wants to be true, that nothing or no one will come between us, because this is the ideal he reads about on boards and in books. What I find hard to take about this is that a lot of those people started the relationship as mono-poly/poly from the start. They do not have 20+ years, a mortgage, and three kids between them.