Heartbroken and Hopeless
I'm a bit heartbroken and lost right now. Over the last year I have come out to my husband that I am poly. He had accepted this and allowed new relationships. Hi current boundaries were for now, until he had some time to get all of this straight, no oral or intercourse. The rest, the emotional, kissing, flirting etc were all fine. About 6 months ago a poly friend of mine and I started to slowly become more. We became very close, but our distance was the main issue, we are 1400 miles apart. We spoke daily and spent time together online. With in the last week however everything changed and fell appart.
My poly partner out of no where said I can't talk with you or spend time with you anymore online. I realized I want you, but I want you to myself. I will not take you away from your husband and children and if I stay I will. I am just so blindsided by this. I just don't know where this all came from. It was literally, "I'll see you on later tonight?" to a few hours later, "it is over I'm leaving to protect you from me"
I'm so torn because I loved both men. Of course I feel a duty and have a responsibility to my children so my husband outweighs a 6 month relationship with a man I have only known for a year but in that time I did fall for him. He is also married and has children and has been poly and has other relationships outside of ours as well. I just always felt we were friends who knew if things were different we could be more. I guess I was wrong! He is a very calculated and methodical man so this is all very out of character for him which is making it all the more confusing.
In a way I'm feeling some slight resentment toward my husband because I feel had he been able to accept a physical aspect that my partner and I would have been able to connect more completely and not cause this rift between us. I know rationally this isn't likely the cause but I'm struggling with it non the less.
I'm certainly feeling hopeless that the idea that any man is going to every really be able to love me and share me is a pipe dream. Am I insane, is it really as hopeless as I feel? I mean if the love of my life and an actively poly partner can't come to terms to share me ... What are my chances lol?