Going through the "how would I feel if..." mental exercise can be a very valuable one - that was the reason I posted the questions that I did - get you thinking about things like this in concrete terms, to gauge how you feel.
It sounds like you have reached some very important pieces of self-knowledge through this. You know a lot better what you do and don't want, and that is personal growth. I am glad that in some small way we have been able to help.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb