Just need to vent - Advice
As we turn into our fifth month of us being together in our triad, I am now beginning to wonder how this is all going to work out in the future. Yes weekends together are great at times but there are still the stressors of my busy work schedule and one of my partners’ busy schedules.
There is also a problem with consistency on the other busy partners part that is really beginning to drive me up the wall. I have asked several times for a few simple things, brush the animals daily, take care of the kitty litter and do a quick clean up on the floor to get rid of the animal hair. I for one am allergic to cats and they have three of them. I am always willing to help while I am here, but it seems that this is not happening, along with other things.
About a week ago we had a huge breakdown as I would call it and the partner who is not consistent with his follow-through came close to playing outside the relationship. The agreements of our relationship are it is three and only us three. If there comes a time when performance is not enough it must be discussed and go from there.
I am the third partner of this triad, the other two have been together for many, many years and now I am beginning to feel its not so much about the three of us, but how each of our dynamic will work and trying to make them all work together. The partner who almost cheated claimed that the reason behind it was he felt I was not attracted to him. Well, I am now spending as much time as I can with him and making him feel more and more attractive as he is. Hell, like I told him, I meet him first and his sexy personality and body is the one that got us here in the first place if he did not remember.
Fast forward to this weekend and I took a long weekend with it being the Easter holiday. I spent time with the partner who felt like he was not attractive all day, then we went out to a party so they could introduce me to all their friends and everyone could finally see who the elusive third partner is.
As with every Saturday, the partner who feels unattractive goes to his personal trainer session and while he was gone I spent a good 3 hours cleaning the house. Yes it is not my house, but I feel I should contribute as I am here on weekends and I know I make a mess (Ok well not a mess, but i do create dust and dirt like anyone else). Took the dogs outside, brushed them, cleaned the floors, washed curtains, did their laundry and so on. All while I should have been working on one of my 5 classes of reading or homework, working towards my masters’ degree.
So last night rolls around and of course everyone is “ready to play” so to speak. By the time we get dinner and everyone gets “ready” its 1030. The one who works on weekends was asleep and the one who went to training for the day has a lower sex drive and is trying to get the other one awake. They both get off quickly and fall asleep… leaving me to feel like… ok.. WTF….. I turn over and just say fuck it, talk about not feeling attractive and fall asleep. Once they awake they go downstairs get cleaned up and come back to bed.
The entire reason any of this even upsets me is the partner that goes to the trainer feels left out a lot as me and the other in the Triad have a much higher sex drive and he just did the exact some thing to me and I don’t think he realized it. So now, its 6 am, I am without sleep for most of the night and they both stay upstairs sleeping in till 9 (again which is fine, I don’t care what time they get up, but normally if I am not in bed one of them will get up and wonder where the hell I am. When I get a chance to sleep in, I will)
I am sitting in the office, alone and even when they enter the office to get what they need; no one says a word, like nothing happened. I feel like I am no longer the new and shiny object and I wonder ho much longer this is going to last at times. I love them both dearly and they both say that they do me, but I am not sure if things like this continue to happen (My feelings, cares, consistency) being ignored, if I can continue in this relationship. I feel used after one almost cheated and I have give up more than I care to share at this time, but I am not sure they are both willing to give up the same.
Thank you all for listening to me and any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Happy Easter to those who celebrate.