You've hit on two gripes of my own, Vixtoria. First, the issue of being "too queer for the queers." And second, the idea that a polyrelationship is something you order from a catalog.
This is why I stopped thinking of myself as poly; my experience in the Aughts was that there was more of that consumerist/acquisitional thinking, than the "let things flow and grow" thinking of the Age of Punk to the 1990s.
I don't have much to offer except that I never dated in my teens and 20s. I just did things with like minded people. Friendship and intimacy (of all sorts) grew out of that. I was never shopping. For me polyamory was a way to make sure that warmth, creativity, love, and respect were allowed to grow as they were capable of growing. A tolerance of the best of humans, and a refusal to let that be dragged into the dirt of competition, greed, etc.
I came very close once in the early 1990s to running a personal ad. I showed it to one of my best friends. He became my sig.other.other...then my best other...and we now have been together for 23 years, 10 of that married, with a very strong possibility that a friend of ours for 10 years is going to become part of our family.