Well, I've put alot of thought into if or if not poly is for me, And I've come to a rather odd situation which I would like some suggestions with. I know that in the end, a poly relationship is not for me, I don't really want to have a long term relationship that is in that style. I think I can imagine myself doing it for awhile, but it just does not click for me as something I'd want to be doing for the rest of my life. So in an odd flip, I'd be ok with a short term poly relationship, but would prefer a long term mono one.
So I spoke with my ex about this, I told her that As much as I cared for her, In the end I would be unable to maintain a long term poly lifestyle. However, I did a lot of soul searching as well as some thought exercises to test how i'd feel (imagining her going out on dates with some one else and kissing me goodbye, imagining her going to her lovers room to have sex for awhile then coming back and spending an afternoon with me) I know those are odd things but i wanted to test how my brain reacted to those feelings. at first the images made me jealous but then i tried thinking about, Why? What does it matter what she does in her free time as long as she's safe, and fulfills my needs as a couple too. I never really needed much time in the relationship, a few hours together maybe, or just hanging out every once in awhile, she was the one who normally needed alot of attention, and hey I thought to myself, if she organizes it well she wont need me for all her needs and can divide it with her other's. after a few hours of thinking like that it didn't really hurt so much at all. however, I know that in the end I want to find that one person for me to settle with. I asked my Ex what she thought about that, and her response was that that was absolutely wonderful, She fully respected that in the end I'd want to enter a monogamous relationship and that until i found that special some one she would be more than happy to be with me, and that when I found that sort of person that we would stop any heavy relationship stuff and drop into a best friend routine. she even said that if the situation wouldn't work out, that we could go back to being what we where before. this is the situation as at stands now
We're pretty much lovers, with each of us being able to date other people, I'm ok with her being with other people (as long as when she becomes sexually active with them they get tested, Have to watch out for my health) and she's ok with knowing that if i find some one who's willing to be monogamos that we would cease relationship activities until further notice. She says this is better than she ever dreamed could happen and If it works well no one will have to be hurt.
As for what would happen if i was tempted or something when being in a mono relationship, For me it's very easy to shut does kind of feelings out, when I devote myself to one person every one else, no matter how beautiful or tempting, is just anouther person. Any thoughts or views would be greatly appreciated. thank you again.
Edit: Also we figured this would be good for her too becouse she would be able to find out if the boy who told her he was interested in poly really is ok with it, as he has never tried it before and is being rather hesitant about it.
second edit: I also might be ok with it BECAUSE he truly is one of my best friends in the world and I know he will take care of her and fufill her needs and not treat her bad, I don't think I would be as willing if i thought the other person would be a random guy i just met who would might have other people himself on the side, in fact, Im pretty sure that would terrify me. Like if I left and came back and she currently had 2 couples, I would probably not with to join until i really got to know the guy remarkably well... not sexually or stuff but as a person.
Last edited by RockBird; 04-07-2012 at 08:25 PM.