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Old 04-07-2012, 06:35 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

Perhaps I wasn't as clear as I meant to be. I said nothing about separate lives, about no knowledge, about being kept in the dark. Your question, I had thought, was regarding a woman interested in your husband and NOT running it past you before running it past him.

As I stated, DC, whom I'm seeing now, did not run it past hubby first, honestly they havent' talked or met. However, I did not start a relationship without hubby knowing or being a part of it. The MOMENT it came up as a possible relationship I told hubby. Discussed it with him and told him that I would be discussing it in more depth with DC. Mostly because DC is also mono and having never been in a poly relationship I wanted him to understand what he was getting himself into and make sure he was willing to learn more about the lifestyle so that he was comfortable with how things progressed.

Hubby has been aware of every step. From us deciding to face time to dirty pictures. It's not separate lives, I don't think I would like that. I like that I can be chatting with one and the other is throwing in a few comments back and forth. That they joke with and through me, that they respect each other.

We are a unit, hubby and I. We are working on strengthening that every day. However, I do not expect my suitors to go to him first and would not expect his to come to me first. That is all I was stating. If you would like, sit with hubby, figure out how you want this to work. What steps in what order. Relationships are all different but ground rules is not out of the ordinary. Hell, even single people have their own rules like, "I don't go past second base until the third date." So having a rule like, "I need to at least know about the person before the first date." Is not odd.

I think that it's just odd to expect a suitor to go to you first instead of the person they are interested in. It's like going to parents for their child's hand in marriage. It might seem like it makes sense but honestly who does that? I'd be kind of upset that my parents found out someone wanted to marry me before me!!
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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