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Old 04-06-2012, 09:33 PM
ViableAlternative ViableAlternative is offline
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 67

Originally Posted by polypenguin View Post
The only thing I tried to do was get her to talk to them after the problem occurred.
I know you've probably already learned this valuable tidbit, and please know that I DO NOT mean this harshly, since you do seem to sincerely care:

Our society sucks in lots of ways. One of those ways is that women have to be very proactive about their own safety. That sucks pretty bad. Women are taught, or learn in hard ways, that it's better/safer to cross the street than to have an unknown guy walking behind you on the sidewalk. Women are taught to keep an eye on their drinks at parties. Women are taught to be careful not to lead men on.

Really, it should be the other way around; men should be taught that pressuring for sex is wrong. Men should be taught that certain kinds of clothing doesn't equal a desire for sex. Etc. But since our society DOES have this all fucked up, the reality is that women DO have to be cautious about the people around them and be proactive about their own safety. Mind you, I am NOT saying that a girl who ISN'T proactive about her safety is in ANY way responsible if she gets hurt by someone. The fault/guilt is ALWAYS and ONLY of the person who made the choice/decision to hurt her. That said, it's always better to not get hurt in the first place, so many women do try to be proactive, as our stupid, fucked up society suggests.

A man with any clear disregard for a woman's choice or feelings, in light of our society's ways, should be considered a hazard. Dangerous. Coersion or worse waiting to happen. So, maybe that guy only said those things when he was drunk. But, y'know what? That means, when he's drunk, he's got to be considered dangerous.

Women should never, EVER be pressured, even a little, to associate with someone that they feel might ever be a danger to them. It's a horrible double-standard. It's kind of like saying, Hey, you've had it ingrained in you, through media, through culture, that if you're not careful and put yourself in a dangerous situation, you'll get raped! But maybe you should give this guy a second chance. He PROBABLY won't hurt you, and he'd PROBABLY only get coercive anyway, so what's the big deal?

Polypenguin, it's not your fault that society does this. It's not Genebean's fault either. But it is what it is, and I guess we just make the most of it while trying to change it. I also know that a lot of guys (many? Most?) don't even recognize or realize that this is what it's like for women, and it can be tough even to believe for some men. What I'm saying is, I know that you probably already "get it", but it bears repeating: don't push a girl to see someone that they feel uncomfortable around. I just wanted to elaborate on _why_, in case it wasn't very clear.
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