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Old 04-06-2012, 01:45 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456

Originally Posted by Heropsychodream View Post
This guy is a student here at the school I am a grad student at. He's a freshman. He is a gamer with an extremely good grasp on internet english (In other words, he knows how to herp a derp). He isn't a very good muslim at all (his words) and doesn't pray 5 times a day or believe some of the core tenets of his religion. He still won't eat non-halel meat but that is usually the last thing to go with jews or muslims.
OK, that's fair enough, but you also wrote:
Originally Posted by Heropsychodream View Post
He says that his religion prevents sex before marriage (and I am assuming anal and vaginal here) under death so he won't do it.
(emphasis mine).

Do you see where I got a hint that he doesn't want to do it? I'm a firm believer in "no means no", and not "let me sit you down for a few hours and persuade you until you change your mind."

Based on what you have written, your wife is looking for casual affairs, not a long-term loving relationship. He is young and a virgin, and is (as you said) falling for your wife in a big way. I'd say that there are mismatched expectations, there.

I would support Ahmed in his journey of discovery by allowing him the space to find the sort of relationship that he needs, rather than using him. It sounds like you and your wife are in a state of flux right now - bringing someone else (and their feelings) into the mix will only confuse things more, and will probably end up hurting him.

You said in the first post here that you self-identify as a feminist, which essentially means that you defend equal political, economic, and social rights for women. Your needs are still important, and your comments earlier indicate that you were quite dissatisfied by the setup that you felt your wife was imposing on you and your relationship. I think that this should be a trigger to take a step back, put extra-marital relationships on hold for a while, and really get to the bottom of what your relationship really is, based on the needs, wants and likes of everyone involved, not just the needs of one. Come out with discussed and defined boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour, and what will get both of your needs met. THEN you can really start exploring and putting it into action.
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