View Single Post
Old 04-06-2012, 09:51 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by WalkingTheBlue View Post
Not really sure what to do at the moment. Stuck between a rock and hard place.
Don't think you have to take action right away. Let all the changes and news settle in a bit. This is not a time for impulsiveness, I believe. So, I think if I were you, I would find some moments to be relaxed and contemplative and just breathe. Feel what you're feeling and don't make any decisions to move things along just yet. Revel in the joy you must have that your feelings for K are returned, but try to stay level-headed and unattached to any outcome. Keep your word to have some distance for a while until a solution comes to you about how to talk to your wife about it. There is no need to rush anyone or anything here.

I think that when it feels right, once all this settles a bit in you, you can have a talk with your wife about relationships in general and parameters that you see working for other people. Find out what certain words mean to her, like commitment and marriage and love. She told you she thought your feelings for K amounted to "emotional cheating" and apparently she still considers you both as a monogamous couple even though you have participated in non-monogamous activities together. So, I would start by talking about definitions and concepts and intellectually explore different ways to achieve a sense of satisfaction in relationships and love before asking to make any outer changes to your dynamic. Do some readings on love and how it can be expressed. Read Opening Up by Tristan Taormino together (did I already recommend that?). Take it slowly and patiently and lovingly and I am sure all will be good.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote