This year has had so many learning experiences I hardly know where to begin.
Most topically, I've fallen in love, head over heels for my partner's best friend. It's been quite the experience. I certainly didn't expect to fall for a man given all the angst I've been experiencing around being in a long term relationship with a man already. When I met T. I thought I would marry a woman. I had zero intentions of starting a relationship with a man, and described myself as a Lesbian, gay or bisexuals interchangeably, but always with the assumption that I was so queer I'd be married to a woman within a couple of years so who cared anyway? I honestly thought that falling for T was more or less a fluke. I even was annoyed that I'd fallen in love with a man rather than a woman, feeling that if only I could have ignored my impulsive emotions and stayed true to the path of searching for the Right Woman, I'd have avoided a lot of angst and pain. Falling in Love with my partners friend- let's call him Gentleman shall we?- made me realize this whole bi thing ain't a fluke, it's here to stay, whether or not I like it.
Gentleman is a dear friend to both my partner and I. I found myself wondering what my life would've been like if I would've met him five years ago, and married him. Thinking all those thoughts and reflecting for days on end helped me to learn some very important things:
1 I can't be in the closet to my extended family for any longer if I plan on having a stable, long term relationship with a man, and simultaneously not going crazy. If I'm going to make this work, it's because I'm going to have the same courage to be myself that I'd have to have if I was going to marry a woman. I can't continue to hide my identity anymore from my extended family, no matter how much my parents just want me to continue sweeping it all under the rug so that they don't have to face discrimination for having a gay daughter.
Being able to live openly as a bi woman even while I'm dating a man is a really big deal to me. The bi community apparently suffers from poorer rates of Mental health than the gay or Lesbian community and I believe itnis due to the invisibility we feel, always assumed to be straight if we're with someone of the opposite sec,.or gay if we're with someone of the same sex. Even in queer circles, I face so much discrimination and feelings of isolation as people assume I'm straight or complain about how bi girls are heart breakers who leave them for men in the end- and if her last girlfriend left her for another woman she won't complain about it, mind you!
So this new love has really given me so many beautiful gifts despite the fact that I'm choosing not to do anything about it other than let the feelings fade into something more platonic, and for a very good reason; he's poly, his wife is mono, and oh, Dear Lord does that ever sound like a way to ruin a good friendship. So here's to falling for your partner's best friend! The experience of longing for the unattainable has helped me.to realize the changes I need to make in my life to live happier and healthier life, and continue building a strong relationship with my partner.