I know others have said this already, but I wanted to chime in too and just say that when things are so clearly not ok, you're not doing yourself or either of them any favors by acting like they are. It's one thing to be strong for your partners now and then, but when it gets to the point that it's making you want to leave the relationship, it's way past time to come clean and be clear about what you need.
I'm sure, if they really care about you, that they'd rather at least get the chance to try to make things right than get a series of fake "I'm fine"s before losing you. And if they *don't* want the real you, difficulties and all...... then it's time to go anyway. If you decide you want to keep trying this, I would recommend being completely honest about what's been hard for you, how hard it's been, and what you need in order to be ok.
There are options here, at least there can be if everyone is open to having the hard conversations about how to make things work rather than having things be drama after drama after drama (and no, love is not supposed to be like that). This could be a vee with your bf as the hinge, rather than a triad, since feeling disconnected from your gf has been such a problem for you. And/or someone could move out -- being forced into constant contact could be most of the problem here.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.