Ok, so it's been a while. Things have been pretty quiet until the past couple of days. Over the weekend my wife told me that our friend (for simplicity's sake I'm just going to refer to her as K) felt uncomfortable around me and actually asked her if she would mind if didn't attend a party that K will be throwing in the near future. Of course I was heartbroken that one of my best friends didn't want me around anymore and I decided to write her a letter.
My letter basically stated that I understood why she felt awkward and I didn't begrudge her for it. That I didn't want to come between the friendship of my wife and K, but I also felt like I was losing a true and dear friend. I left the letter in her locker at work yesterday morning. About an hour afterward she knocked on my window and told me to call her, she seemed upset. I was kind of confused because I wrote that letter to put some closure on the subject. I called her and she told me that it wasn't that she didn't want me around, but that she was keeping her distance from me for my wife's sake. She said that I was very important to her and that she cared about me very much, and that there were things she wanted to say but wasn't sure that she should. She said that we should talk, I told her I would call her when we were out of work last night.
So, I called her and we talked for a while. It turns out that she has felt the exact same way about a poly amorous relationship between the three of us for some time, before I even brought it up. That she loves us both and she's never felt more comfortable around two people in all her life. She never thought she would end up feeling this way about two people at the same time, especially one of them being a woman. We told each other that we missed eachother and we both wish things could be simpler. That we could all just be.
She told me that she wasn't going to tell my wife about the letter, she thinks it will just make things harder for her. She told my wife what she said because she was reacting to her reaction, saying what she felt she should say to ease my wife's pain. It's not something we're ready to tell her yet. My wife just isnt ready to hear it. She's going to keep being my wife's best friend, and we're going to keep our distance from eachother for a while. We're going to try to play it cool. Easier said than done.
So now I know how K really feels, but I can't say anything. It's not my place to say how she feels. I hope that someday we can all be in a place where she feels like she can let the truth be known. Maybe if my wife knows how she really feels, and that it's not just about me or anything she might be open to the idea. I have hope now, but it keeps gnawing at me because I have to keep it inside.