My story is posted here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...544#post131544
I want my husband JN to be happy, and he says that having the freedom to sleep with other women will let him explore BDSM and have other relationships and that this will make him happy.
But I am afraid that he will find someone younger, thinner, prettier, with fewer health problems or that is into BDSM like him and then he will leave me for them.
How am I supposed to get past this fear?
He also mentioned the other day that it would only be fair for me to be allowed to sleep with other men it I wanted to. That upset me because I wasn't sure what he really meant by that. Does he care so little? Is he hoping I will find someone else so he can leave me and feel less guilty about it because I am not alone? Or is this some kind of way of tricking me into going along with this? He really doesn't want me to see other men, and given my weight knows that the chances of anyone wanting me are about zero, and knows that I can't think of anyone but him, but because we can both do it, it's all okay?
He is being patient and giving me time. I told him I would have to think things over. I worry that he will get tired of waiting. He wants me to trust him that these other women won't change how he feels about me or wreck our marriage, but I don't know if I can.
We haven't told anyone else about this, and I don't know who I would talk to anyway. My closest friends would all tell me to leave him, but I just don't know that I can do that, either.
How can we make this work?