Originally Posted by LotusesandRoses
I'd entertain what you're saying, but this guy is piling on extra relationships while his kids are literally screaming for his attention. If your kids have unresolved issues, you don't look for additional relationships and confusion. That makes him a not nice person. I'd run.
OP stated that he and his wife had stopped pursuing poly because of their children's issues and their need to focus on that and their family, but that things had stabilized enough that his wife is now encouraging him to be in a relationship again. He may not trust that things are stable enough to allow himself to not be there just in case. Some families have a hard time adjusting to not being in crisis mode because it has been that way for so long. Maybe he's not ready to step back from that just yet.
The best thing the OP can do is remain his friend and let him know that she cares deeply for him, but until the time that he can commit to spending at least a couple hours one night a week out with her, she isn't willing to take their friendship to the next level.