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Old 04-05-2012, 04:16 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noob View Post
...for some people insecurity is a mainstay of attachment (namely, people with insecure attachment styles). For me, attaching to someone is fraught with insecurity and anxiety at fear of losing them.
Sure, of course. I think that attachment in adult relationships is always rooted in insecurity, so isn't it better to love and care for people without attachment? Isn't attachment usually evidence of codependency? Attaching oneself to another is usually fueled by expectations and unrealistic hopes.

It is quite different from the kind of attachment babies undergo with parents.

Quote:
Originally Posted by noob View Post
Deep caring (which comes out of attachment) is therefore fraught with insecurity.
I disagree that deep caring comes from attachment. To me, deep caring develops as you get to know someone well, and comes from love, or a loving place inside us. And love is not the same as attachment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by noob View Post
And, because I agree that jealousy is based in insecurity, jealousy is just going to come up for me--if I care about someone. If you're a securely attached type of individual, then I'd imagine anxiety and insecurity do not attend your feelings of falling and being in love to the same extent.
What does "securely attached" mean? It seems to me that it is just an illusion to feel any security in attachment to another person. I read "securely attached" as clingy, possessive, and dependent. Perhaps I am misunderstanding what you mean by it, but I think jealousy probably thrives in attachment. I strive to free myself from attachments in order to love as fully and deeply as I can. If I feel myself getting attached to someone, I realize I have some self-examination and inner work to do to get free of that. To me, love and caring is imprisoned by attachment, and getting free of attachment means love can grow in that freedom.

Quote:
Originally Posted by noob View Post
Unfortunately, although attachment style can be learned about and considered, I don't think it really changes in the span of a lifetime. Maybe someone can prove me wrong, though. I'd like to be wrong.
Well, there are lots of books, articles, and websites on attachment, and love without attachment, etc. I just Googled around and found a few goodies (short articles) that offer some food for thought.

http://high-road-artist.com/1124/an-...ut-attachment/

http://www.healingphilosophy.com/200...f-anthony.html

http://blog.self-improvement-saga.co...t-infatuation/

http://zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/


Also, have you seen this thread? : Attachment in secondary 'ships
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