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Old 04-04-2012, 07:53 PM
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Scott Scott is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: near Toronto, Canada -.-
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Originally Posted by StarTeddy View Post
Originally Posted by Scott View Post
Feelings are fine, but I see nothing wrong with commitments either. That being said, the commitment doesn't have to be formalized into a marriage. I think the nature of the commitment should depend on what's on the table, if you will.
Actually, I do really want to be married someday. One thing that's painful to me is that if I end up with two co-primaries, that I won't be able to marry them both.
I hear you. I think that this is a dilemna that many poly people with more then one serious relationship face. That being said, I will follow my heart.

Originally Posted by StarTeddy View Post
If I ever end up having feelings for someone other than my spouse, I think I'd like to keep it at romantic friendship, or something casual...I don't really like the idea of a long-term "secondary", because it feels like half-assed commitment.
I don't think it has to be that way. Also, I would never trust things to remain the same. Let me give you a fictional example:

I marry Lisa, but then get into a serious relationship with Kim. Lisa starts seeing Phillip and Kim starts seeing Nonamebrand (sorry, that's an inside joke :-)). So let's say that Lisa is my primary and Kim is my secondary. Phillip would be Lisa's secondary, and Nonamebrand becomes Kim's primary. Things can change. Lisa may decide she wants to spend more time with Phillip then with me; I may in essence be bumped to secondary even though (officially through marriage) I would be seen as "primary". Kim, meanwhile, may find that she likes me more then Nonamebrand. So, do me and Lisa divorce and marry our new primaries? Maybe, if it's worth the hassle. That's just the way life goes. Personally, I believe there will come a day when you can marry more the one person; there are ways around things like getting visitation rights at hospitals or what not, but it'd be the simplest solution in my view.
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