Great replies! Wow! What an awesome welcome to polyamory.com! Thank you!
"If you're otherwise happy with your sexual relationship, don't let this bother you. If your wife is open to your requests, ask her for it like the others have said. However, I'm guessing your wife is like mine and asking will do nothing more than irritate her."
In my specific situation, it doesn't irritate her to ask. If I bring it up right it can be a turn on even. You are right not to let it bother me much. I like to think of geese and ducks oiling their feathers so that the water rolls right off of them and they dont soak it into their down. Still, you know what it's like to be bothered and have to process to let go...
Life can be such a passion-killer!
My wife has two jobs and two men in her life. she has almost no time to herself. Lately with all the hot sex and such, she's been bleeding when she isnt "scheduled" to menstruate. That it totally unusual and has freaked her out a lot.
Its both an exciting and weird role to be in with her. I am not the stud any more...we have this hot fresh man who fills that role. I am more like the comfy nesting partner now. I dont really like that, although I understand it.
No, he doesn't touch me hardly at all. We touch a little, a little massage some hand holding while having a threesome, etc. I've gone down on him and jacked him off a bit, but that's all. We dont kiss, and he hasnt touched my genitals in any way. Maybe some day, but maybe not. I'm not pushing for it. I dont care either way at this point, although I consider the concepts and ideas of exploring bi-sex with him.
I call him our boyfriend for convenience sake. He's really my wifes boyfriend, and they only get it on when i am there also. I dont think either of them want to take their sexual relationship away from me right now. i mean that they aren't interested in getting together and having sex without me there. Maybe they think about it, but they have both told me that they dont think it could happen without me there. I am the reassuring catalyst to it they say. Maybe sometime, but not right now. So for now, my wife and I are a package deal, and if they want to get hot and heavy, I have to be there.
So I guess a dynamic is appearing to me now. I hadn't envisioned it, but it is happening. It is like I am in a large way the conduit for them to get together, and it is not really as much about us all having a threesome. Of course in that role, I'll be on the sidelines much or most of the times, although I can force myself into the mix and use my weight to change things to include me more often.
Thanks for the great feedback!