Thanks for the welcome, folks. Stories just come to me, but before I might want to send things by some of you for accuracy before I publish for certain.
What I want most is friendship with open-minded people. Because of the demands of caring for my daughter, I have limited time to make face-to-face friends (and have difficulty with British culture anyway...six years and I have not adjusted). But I am the type that can bond with people online as easily.
In terms of my experience wiht poly, I have tried the swinging thing a few times. But it never felt 'right.' I always felt that one person tended to pressure the other or one partner got more out of it than the other. At the same time, I found myself fantasizing about other people even when I was in a relationship, so monogamy never felt right either.
Before I married my 2nd hubby and moved to the UK, I was quite free and comfortable with my sexuality. I had a group of friends that I would regularly 'party with' = gang bang. But it was so much more than that. These were guys that I was also friends with. A couple I would meet on the side one-on-one, f-buddies sort of thing.
I was 39 at the time with four teenage children and I was staring at a soon to be empty nest (not that it ever really is I have discovered...my adult kids still come around and need mommy too). I decided that I wanted to have another baby. I meet my hubby now online...and we planned to do just that...have a child together.
One of my best f-buddy/friends begged me to reconsider. He told me...don't do this, one man will never be enough for a woman like you. I actually got quite hurt by his words. Felt like he was saying I could not be faithful to one guy.
This friend proposed an alternative...we always practiced safe sex as a group even though we had to provide recent (3 months) test results to show we were clean. He wanted a group of us...me and my four favorites to have the baby together. He said that we were close that he knew for a fact that the guys would even like to be 'uncles' without every actually knowing who the real father was.
Needless to say...I chose the more conventional path. I am not the type of person who spends alot of time thinking about regrets. But in the bright morning sunlight like it is right now, I have to be honest...I chose wrong. The 'safety' of marriage that my husband offered was an illusion. I am left alone to handle my daughter's needs while he has the best of both worlds...single 90% of the time and a ready made family when he feels like stopping by to play daddy.
How much different things would have been if I had truly been free enough of societal constrictions to accept my friends offer...and my self? Four best friends to share the burdens of life. Four wonderful men all taking turns sharing the role of daddy...my daughter would have been horribly spoiled. Four lovers...instead of none.
OK...off to writing now. Can't change the past, but there is one theory that says for every major decision in life there is an alternate universe created. I hope somewhere out there that 'other me' realizes who damned lucky she was.