Thread: Musings
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Old 04-04-2012, 06:40 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 583

I haven't seen my SO for about 2 weeks due to my being away and then him being away. I miss him loads.

Have been having lots of time to think and ponder. Can't remember if I have mentioned it before but one of the things I worry about is being replaced in relationships.

I reckon it started in childhood - I am the oldest in my family and the next sibling to me is my brother who's 18 months younger. I tend to be quiet, thoughful and passive while my brother is wild, adventurous and demanding. When he was born, my mum had to give him most of her attention. It wasn't her intention but I think it left me feeling replaced by my brother and I think started a life long worry over that sort of thing.

I have lost the odd friend over the years too who has replaced me (these friends were people who turned out to have a history of that sort of thing - I feel sad for them that they feel they must give up old friendships when they make a new friend. And sad for my own loss too.)

So - this is an ongoing thing that I work on too. And something else that it turns out I find harder in a committed, loving sexual relationship. I'm okay about it with more casual lovers. And don't tend to worry much if the platonic friends I feel committed to find new friends.

I think that this feeling may have been part of the attraction I felt for my ex. He is happier with very few friends and doesn't tend to make new ones easily so there was much less worry for me over being replaced.

My SO, on the other hand, loves people. He finds and makes friends easily and gets a real buzz from it. This means that I am getting lots of chances to examine and work on that anxiety from a reasonably safe place.

I might feel the anxiety and the risk of being replaced sometimes feels very real. But my SO has no history at all of replacing any of his friends or any of his ex lovers or girlfriends at any time.

And he has very good taste in friends which helps.

So useful but still, I reckon I feel the worry more than I would if my SO and I had a platonic friendship.

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