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Old 04-03-2012, 04:14 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

You don't need to ask others what is right and wrong all the time, because then you put other people in a position of authority to tell you what's right and what's wrong. You know the truth, so just open your eyes to see it. Yes, your judgments have been clouded, so much so that you have not seen just how deeply you have hurt your girlfriend. Start being your own authority figure and act with integrity and good intentions. Don't let yourself be tossed about by people who want to use you.

Instead of asking, "Is it so wrong that I want to give people a second chance? Is it wrong to want to see the good in people?" I would say you should ask yourself, "Do my actions bring me satisfaction and also support and nurture the ones I love and care about?"

Look at what kind of mess people leave behind when they act to only satisfy their urges without regard for the impact they have on others. Do you want to do things that leave the loved ones in your life, and specifically Genebean, feeling damaged, broken, upset, betrayed, and wondering why she ever loved such an asshole? Or do you want her and anyone else who you care deeply about to feel like they have a true friend and ally, someone who acts with integrity and caring, and to know they can count on you when they need your understanding and compassion?

The best thing you can do for this couple that you've been so focused on is to turn them down and not have anything to do with them, because hopefully (in some small way) that will teach them something about how they treat people. They need to get the message loud and clear that you're not a doormat who tolerates shitty treatment and that you stand by and value your girlfriend. Your love for her should override anything they are tempting you with.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 04-03-2012 at 04:28 PM.
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