Just trying to catch up after a long absence, and I see this post.
RP, you say that you feel like you are someone that a lot of folks look up to when it comes to poly and life. I think that is true. However, the fact that you are willing to express some of what you are going through right now for others to see shows that even the folks that we look up to have issues and are not some utopian vision of what a particular life should be. Don't be afraid to let them see that you are human and have these rough times too.
It's sounding to me like the synergistic energies that you used to have aren't really felt by you any more - if anything, it sounds like you feel that for each of your, life together is more a matter of finding compromises (1+1+1 = 0.75) rather than finding energy from each other (1+1+1 = 4).
For me (and I'm speaking from my own paradigms here) - I don't do well when I feel things are fractured - I need to feel like everyone involved is working to support a common goal or set of goals. When that starts breaking down, I feel the need to try to refocus us all, to maybe review the goals so that we can all get enthusiastically behind them again.
I find it easy to get bogged down in the various aspects of my life - and sometimes those become things that pull me aware from the Core - the things I value the most - I'm sure it happens to everyone in one form or another. Sometimes we all just need some reminders of what our priorities are, you know?
I really feel for you.
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb