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Old 04-03-2012, 02:56 PM
zylya zylya is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Sussex, UK
Posts: 77

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
To me, it seems backwards to have a relationship configuration in mind and then look for people to fit into that. Being open to having polyamorous relationships doesn't mean that all potential lovers are like jigsaw puzzle pieces. I'm not saying I don't have my own ideals I would like to see happen for myself. However, in terms of relationships, I think the important thing is to start with the people first. Be open to meeting people, getting to know people, put yourself in social situations, have a dating profile online, whatever, and then see what happens. Yes, let people know that you don't want a monogamous situation, but you can't create a dynamic (vee, triad, etc.) out of thin air and insert human beings into it. Be open to surprises. See what kind of poly configuration comes out of the dynamics that naturally develop with the people you date, find yourself attracted to, and enjoying yourself with.
I get and understand this attitude, but I don't agree that it's for everyone. You're essentially saying that if you're monogamous you go for a very specific type of relationship (i.e. sexually and romantically exlusive dyad) but if you're poly that you should be open to any other type of relationship. What about people who naturally favour a particular relationship style? Would it not make sense for them to go finding people who also want that relationship style and doing that together?

I make no secret of the fact that I'm most interested in a non-exclusive triad with two bisexual women, that's the relationship style I want more than any others. I'm not completely closed off to any other possibility though, it's just my preference. That doesn't mean that I take any woman I find that I'm potentially interested in and try and shoe-horn her into the position, it means I look for people who also prefer, or are interested in, that style of relationship.

Of course, I might end up meeting someone and go for something completely different because of who they are or what they want, but I don't think there's anything wrong with having a particular relationship configuration in mind. To me, it's similar to having a particular kink. I'd go out and meet lots of BDSM people but I'd be MOST interested in meeting people with that same kink. It's not to say that I won't meet someone who interests me enough to try something different, but I have something in mind that I'm interested in exploring.

Essentially, I think it comes down to preference, my preference is a certain style of relationship, and your preference is not picking a style of relationship before meeting the person.
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