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Old 04-03-2012, 07:00 AM
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metallicagurl84 metallicagurl84 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Hagerstown MD
Posts: 10
Thumbs up Merry Meet to the newbie- me! ^_^

Hello there. I'm new to the site. I have been searching for poly support groups recently. This is a bit of my history on poly & my feelings. When I was 12,I met my first love, JH. She was awesome, we spent 4 yrs together & how it worked was, she was living with me. We spent our time together at home & we would go to school or out somewhere separately to spend time with a bf. There was no jealousy between us & all my bfs knew I had her. They accepted it. She was torn from me at age 16. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Sleeping alone was very hard. Ever since then, no matter what relationship I was in with a male, I felt a little off. Like something was missing. I wanted a gf to spoil & cherish. They all said the same thing. "Not unless I can watch..not unless I can join..not unless she's my gf too..no, it's cheating." I was with a guy for 2 1/2yrs & he talked me into doing an equal poly with a girl we liked. He used her to hurt me & they used me to fuck each other "without cheating". It went on for a month. I was terrified to try it again after feeling so betrayed. Then, I met my fiance 4 yrs ago, JS. I told JS up front that I really miss having a woman around. He said "OK. As long as you don't change our plans to be with her or push me aside. And if you want 'alone time' let me know & I'll go take a walk." I thought it was a dream. Then my ex gf came back into my life about a yr ago. Then a few weeks ago she purposed to me out of nowhere. I excused her expecting me to drop my whole life for her & suggested a poly. Telling her that her & I could do a Pagan handfasting ritual for our commitment. She sounded Ken to it. He stuck to what he said when we met, no strings. So I'm thinking wow, this could be what I want. I researched poly to make sure I wasn't being selfish & just calling it poly so I could justify myself. Then a few days ago I told her exactly what I'm looking for in a woman. Being that I want to have a natural, homeopathic, self sustained life with strong values for my family & am Pagan & homeschool my children.. anyone can respect that there are certain qualities I need a woman to have in order for it to work. She then accused me of trying to change her & be her mommy. I told her that's not at all what I was saying & if she didn't agree with what I wanted in a woman, it's not going to work. She said "whatever. It's not going to work. I love you & always have. If you want to still be friends, I would like that. Then she blocked my page. Ironic... So now I'm back to square one.. *sigh* oh well. I've been researching poly groups & found things you need to know how your #1 partner feels & weekly worksheets for all partners to do to maintain balance & communication. I've realized that everything down to chores, cooking & bedtime need to be rotated in order for things to stay balanced. A lot of the sites I've found so far are very insightful. I hope this one to be as much so. Blessed be, Fey ^_^
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