So I haven't written in a really long time on my blog. I read redpeppers latest entry this morning and it got me to thinking that really no one knows what's going on for me. It seems that unless something is really bothering me that I just keep things to myself since I can work it out and it doesn't seem worth bothering others with my stuff, especially when mine seems so minor in comparison.
I do get afraid and angry and jealous just like anyone else. I'm not the best at sharing negative emotions when I'm in the midst of them though because I haven't yet learned how to do it in an appropriate way. I end up saying and doing things that I regret. And then once I've worked through it myself there doesn't seem to be much point in talking about it since whatever inner turmoil I had has been resolved and bringing it up might just cause others distress.
I'm also not the best at coming up with what is going on for me on the spot. As bad as it sounds I'm not that in touch with myself. I know if in general I feel good or I feel like something is off but it takes a lot more thought for me to be able to put my finger on specific emotions and their causes. Hmmm maybe I need to be sent home with homework assignments to write out my feelings
. I also have the non-violent communication book in my office. Although I know the principles of non-violent communication I'm not entirely sure that in the heat of the moment I would be able to adhere to that style of communication. I have been known to be quite nasty when I'm upset.
It's not my intention to put up walls, at least not between myself and others. I think that maybe subconsciously I have put up walls between my thinking and feeling self. I'm not entirely sure how to go about changing that.