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Old 04-02-2012, 04:45 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I would hazard a guess that your difficulty with this woman's interest in your husband might stem from something akin to an "us versus the world" viewpoint, as if when you married you are now morphed together as a unit while everyone else sits outside of that, and a general belief that people should see you both as one unit, A Couple.

This struck a chord with me because thinking on it, it might just be the most difficult part of poly to come to terms with. At least for married couples, IMHO. For nearly two decades it HAS been US vs. The World. We have learned to work as a unit. Which is great! For us, for our marriage, for our family. The tricky part is learning that while we are a unit, a couple, we are also two separate people.

DH and I have been talking for awhile about what we want in our 'marriage contract'. Going with the idea that relationships need to be negotiated then renegotiated as time goes on, we realized this does NOT pertain only to the new relationships in our lives but ours as well. A major point for us is that we are two separate people. That we have to fee comfortable, safe, fulfilled, and strong as individuals.

It makes us stronger as a couple as well, but also reminds us that while we work together as a family unit, a parental unit, a couple unit, we are still two individuals. New relationships don't get added on like accessories to the main relationship.
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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