Hello, my name is Anna and about a year ago I was introduced to the idea of poly. I certainly have poly tendencies. I am married and have 3 children. I have struggled with myself for many years. Falling in love with others, while still completely in love with my husband (fiancÚ, boy friend etc). I felt for many years like something was wrong with me or would look for things that were wrong in a relationship that I didn't really find. I was so confused. I don't fall often, but when I do it is hard and completely.
Last year I met a man online and we began flirting. (This had been my outlet for my feelings for a number of years, for it seemed harmless and my husband didn't seem to mind.) However, when he found out I was married he wasn't comfortable with the level of flirtation we had and me not being open with my husband. We started talking about him being poly and I started research mode.
Over the last year I have, "come out" if you will to my husband and we have been slowly exploring our limits. We just recently went on a date with an open couple and things went very well. Dancing, some kissing, but we both enjoyed ourself and really felt no "icky" feelings.
My husband has completely accepted the emotional part of my poly nature. He says to love another human is not a bad thing at all. His only hang up is the level of physical connection he will be able to handle (and he worries I'll be able to handle if he finds a 2nd.) We both know jealousy is a natural feeling that doesn't need to be a deal breaker so so speak so we will take it slow and feel what is right for us. Discussing our limits all the way.
What I asked my husband for last year was freedom, to love and be loved however I like as long as it doesn't detract or adversely affect our relationship. This is my goal.
Now here is where things get complicated. The man I met a year ago and has held my hand though all this time, has been a great friend, and I feel I owe all of my new found freedom and happiness to (I was very depressed for years over these hidden feelings), is still in my life. He lives 1400 miles away, but we still talk often. I have fallen for him, completely. He is also poly, married with children, however he has made it clear to me that to have a relationship with me he would want me to be submissive to him. In a true D/s way. His hesitation is D/s and Poly are pretty much opposites of each other. They both offer freedom, poly though communication, and submissiveness in trust.
Because he has been such a close friend over this time I am tempted to give myself to him, which would mean however giving up on my exploration of poly (at least while we had a relationship). Both Poly and Submissiveness are attractive to me, and I do love this man enough to give myself to him with out question. He has made it clear he would not do anything to affect my family or marriage since he speaks to my husband and they are friends in a sense.
I'm 32 and I have a lot of work to do, but any outside insight is welcome. Feel free to be brutally honest with me. I need it!
Thanks for reading and any advice you can offer,