Originally Posted by Anneintherain
I feel really sad about this. I would break up with somebody who behaved like that, and if I said shut up and they ever brought it up again, that would be it. It doesn't seem very loving to date somebody who speaks badly of another partner. I think its horrible to let your boyfriend stay at home babysitting at all after hearing this. At the very least it seems like you should have babysitting from another source EVERY TIME you have a date with your lover.
The fact that your boyfriend knows and does nothing about it? Why would he do anything about it? You are in a poly relationship, you are on a date...is he supposed to come...kick your lover's ass or something? Is your lover poly, because that doesn't sound like it. In my life at least, polyamory is supposed to enhance my life and bring more love into it. That means partners having respect for my husband at the very least. I'm wondering if you're purposefully participating in cuckolding instead of poly, and if your boyfriend senses it and is an unwilling participate in it. If so, no wonder he isn't thrilled with the situation.
You also said "The problem started when my lover and I went away for a weekend together, my bf asked me not to go, but I did." You also said "my boyfriend comes first". Those two things contradict each other. After rereading the thread and having some other input, and seeing that your boyfriend was stuck taking care of your (no doubt wonderful) child while you went on a trip with your lover after he asked you to not go... I do have to suggest the alternative that unless you are going to stop taking advantage of your laid back but miserable boyfriend, maybe you should break up with him since you are unable to give up the lover that isn't poly but thinks your boyfriend is an object of ridicule.
Your right, it wasn't right my lover saying the things he said, and he doesn't now. My lover knows how much I love and care for my boyfriend, I make it clear to him that I dont want to hear those things again, and he hasn't repeated what he said. Does he get a kick out of the fact that he's having sex with me while my bf is at home with Max? I think he does, he does not say it though, not now.
Do I cuckold my bf? Well, what does that mean. If it means that I'm having sex with someone other than him, with his knowledge and that he's not happy about it, then I have to be honest and say I am. I dont get a kick out of it though. I love what I have with my bf and I love what I have with my lover. I'm not thinking of my bf when I'm with my lover. It's not like that
He's not a babysitter, he's his Dad.
Yes, it was a mistake to go on that weekend trip with my lover. It was a case where I put my needs first. He did ask me not to go, it wasn't till later though that I realised just how much it hurt him. It wont happen again. He wasn't upset at being stuck with Max though, he loves spending time with him. Everyone, please believe me when I say that my bf looking after my son when I'm with my lover is not in anyway an issue.
My bf is not miserable, he's a happy person, we have to resolve this though.
I'm not pretending this is easy, I know I'm far from perfect and my bf pretty much is. I'm not certain about what I'm doing, I have doubts, and that's why I'm here. I think that we can make it work, I hope so.
What I do know is, I will give my lover up if I have to. I dont want to, but I will. I will not give up my boyfriend.