Hey thanks for the feedback. It often feels like there is a white elephant in a room (or forum) of poly folk. I'm wondering why this or that and its never what anyone wants to hear or talk about. I just mentally farted and derailed the calming mantra someone has been chanting for three months every time their A is off with C.
When it was me seeing someone while my husband sat at home I felt very guilty. And then I felt frustrated. He was after all, the one who idealized poly from the beginning. I let the residual resentments I felt from him even posing the idea of an open relationship go unchecked. It was exactly this that fueled me to stop feeling guilty. So I know well how applying the whole "go do it too" advice goes. Now I'm the one at home some nights and I'll admit I am not as stoic about my struggles as he was.
But what he is doing that is so very awesome is taking it upon himself to give me a "normal" weekend before I am desperate for it and have to ask. I'll come home from work on a day he has off to favorite food stuffs already prepared; errands he knows I was going to have to do the next day already ran. Him explaining to me without me having to bring it up how anyone he doesn't see everyday gets the easy road to making a good impression and how much he appreciates that I make that good impression to him all the time even when I worry that I'm old news. Him making sure I know exactly why he is with me and why our relationship is what he needs - not sex with other people. Basically all the stuff I DIDN'T think to do when I asked to be open after four years of monogamy and complete unwillingness to even talk about any other relationship style. I only saw in hindsight that I was practicing it with resentment. The guilty feeling came back and I have chosen to stop till I feel I can meet someone and be in a relationship with a free mind, just enjoy it as something I want to do and not something I'm doing because I can or because my A is doing it. Not to mention that my C got hurt in the mix of me realizing what I was doing. I don't want to do that again to anyone.