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Old 03-31-2012, 11:17 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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You can tell her that you refuse to consider ultimatums (like a government will say "we won't bargain with terrorists"), because ultimatums have no place in a loving relationship. You can offer to discuss any aspect of the subject that she wants, to analyze any fears she may have, or negotiate, and even see a counselor with her - but you have too much respect for the relationship and your own self-esteem to stand for ultimatums. Ultimatums smack of dictatorship. It is one thing for a person to state what they will or will not accept, or to make a request, and then each of you makes a choice or responds to those requests or statements, but no one should be issuing ultimatums nor expected to comply with ultimatums.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-31-2012 at 11:19 PM.
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