Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
Originally Posted by nycindie
I shared something about this awhile back in my blog. I stated:
"I want lovers who are friends, who accept my love but don't freak out or want to build some structure around it. I don't want a partner who has a say in how I run my life. ...
I fail to see how this is different than a boyfriend or spouse. I've never assumed I had much say in how any of my partners run their lives.
Well, sure. My ex-husband and I were pretty easygoing and independent in our relationship and did not boss each other around, but there were issues we could not agree on which impacted certain choices we each made. When I wrote that, I didn't mean that a partner automatically is in a role of granting permission, but that some people get into a long-term committed relationship with someone and believe that they have to check in with each other about everything before they make a move. I don't want to be joined at the hip like that. I want things a little looser. Not that I wouldn't communicate with a partner, but if it's a relationship where we don't see each other as "partners," and there is plenty of space for us to be ourselves and independent, it is simply easier and more amenable to be able to say what I want to do and just convey to my loves what my choices are (of course, I am not talking about going beyond any agreements we may have).
I guess I could have worded it, "I don't want a partner in the sense of someone who thinks he has
a say in how I run my life."