Originally Posted by learner
@Derbylicious - sometimes me and my metamour are going to find ourselves in the same place (usually with both my boyfriend and my husband) so it is important that we at least get on, not that we're good friends. I've been pushing for the 'just getting on' thing, she appears to want to be friends, and I'm too nice, or scared, or whatever, to push her away. It's my default setting to try and get on with people.
I agree 100% with the above posters, ESPECIALLY Derby. You might want to look at it as that it is possible you will actually "get on" much more easily when you do find yourself in the same place if you aren't being stressed out by her on a regular basis.
Remember her impact on you is sucking the joy out of the mostly great relationship you have with your boyfriend. Talk to your boyfriend, practice your "breakup speech" for your metamour, and get back to enjoying life. If it is really because you are too nice or too scared, then yes, get thee back to a counselor! I don't know if you discuss this with your husband, but if he has to listen to you be stressed about this, that could be a good reminder that it's not right of you to let her affect so many aspects of your life.