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Old 03-31-2012, 02:45 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 605
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Phy,

I thought your becoming poly was more situational.... falling in love with Lin....not actually a poly core.
It's not? So please tell me, what is a poly core to you if that isn't?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
So if sward went off found himself a new love interest and decided he preferred the one on one with this new women instead of the sharing he's forced to do now .....you would start posting profiles on dating sites to replace him? ...or fill the vacant time slot. Is that what you mean be core?
As I said: when you love you will care. If he did that, the relationship he has got with me would be mainly over because if he 'preferred' anyone over me, the feelings wouldn't be there any longer. If I would 'prefer' Lin I would never have stayed with Sward. You keep on mixing mono mindsets into poly, Dinged. There is nothing to be preferred in our case and (I think) I know that I would be able to live this in a case where Sward would find another love, as long as I feel that his love is still there.

And he isn't forced to do it, it was a choice. If anything of what we have now would pressure him in any way, I wouldn't put up with it.

To fill the vacant spot ... you think of relationships a poly person will have as some kind chemical substance or molecules that have a fixed number of docking sides that need to be filled? There would be no one to 'replace' him. Never. If he were to go, if our relationship would end, I would stay with Lin. Fullstop. I wouldn't actively look for another partner. Obviously this isn't the way I function. If something happens again, it will. But I have no blueprint in mind how many partners and what kind of partners I 'need' to be happy.

As always, I am really surprised what you are able to read between my lines that you come to such conclusions. Communication seems to always take sidetracks in our case.
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Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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