View Single Post
Old 03-30-2012, 08:25 PM
km34 km34 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 624

Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
I see it most often when someone is struggling with coming to terms with the new changes over their partner taking on a new one and see them as discrepancies. Even when it is an obvious situation with an unfair element like "wife is giving BJs and experimental sex to newbie but doesn't and hasn't with me for a long time". I will still see at least one person offer up the solution of finding someone new for themselves to do these things with rather than address the mess of why they have been and continue to get denied whatever it is they are troubled over. I get why people might offer suggestion of why it might have become this way and truly there will be people who point out that its a problem that needs fixed. Just wondering what the folks suggesting adding someone else to the pile are thinking. Divorce is painful. Divorce while one already has someone waiting in the wings is probably even more so. Maybe its much easier if both have someone else they are seeing - I don't know. But shouldn't people who already have a mess sort out whether the first relationship needs to end before beginning a new one? I'd imagine a mess is less likely to get fixed and/or a divorce is more likely to be the solution if they don't. I've noticed that when a relationship ends under these circumstances everyone is quick to point out the mistake in hindsight......
In that context, I think the advice of adding another person is not the best - the whole "have a problem, add a person" not being the answer deal. Now, if he and his partner had assessed the situation, decided that they would both be happy with him finding another partner (just sexual or otherwise) because they enjoy having their vanilla sex life, too, what's the problem?

To each their own. And I don't think a day goes by on any relationship site without someone sounding off about how we're always changing and growing and becoming different somehow. You love your husband right? Are you saying that if your husband read something you posted talking about how great your C is and whatnot and felt the troubled thought of "Huh, km34 never gushes over me to anyone" and brought it to you rather than stewed on it, his reward for communicating his feelings to you would be "Whelp now you've done it; I can't even look at you the same anymore!" Don't tell me what you think of some ambiguous person you're not involved with who might be troubled over it. Its real easy to assess a situation you're not in and write off some imaginary person you're not involved with right now as unacceptable. Tell me how you'd handle the situation with your husband.
He wouldn't do that. I toot his horn to real-life people. lol If there was a real issue of a partner of mine being under-appreciated, no, I would not cut them out or think negatively of them for bringing it to my attention. I was simply saying that I show his appreciation IN REAL LIFE - where he sees it all the time, so I don't feel the need to do it ONLINE - where he would only stumble across it. I honestly can't imagine a situation in which he would feel that neglected by me. I think the fact that probably 75% of my facebook posts (still online, but "real people" in the sense that they are people we know in real life) relate to something awesome that Keith did for me is, in fact, me gushing over him. He sees me brag about him, appreciate the little things about him, and all of that stuff IN PERSON. I don't need to do it online. Now, sometimes I do when it pertains to whatever else is going on, but I don't feel the need to go out of my way and say how amazingly awesome he is, because I let him know that everyday that I'm with him.

I would hope I'm like that with anyone else that I love, as well, however if I post about how I'm forming a new relationship, I'm more likely to gush about that person because the precedent of me talking about that person has already been set. NRE makes a person much more excitable and eager to chat with strangers. I don't find it necessary with an established relationship.
Reply With Quote