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Old 03-30-2012, 06:10 PM
troubled troubled is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 7
Default a looong 1st post

Hello..
I've been meaning to post here for over a year now. I always thought that it would be on a good day - this is not one of them

I'm Zack, 34, male, married for 9 years. 12 total in a current relationship. I guess I've always been poly, I just didn't know it was a word. I knew that "you can't love two persons", that that meant that I was lying to myself and don't really love one of them... or that i'm immature and don't know what love is yet. I knew that.. i just never understood It.

Anyhow.. i fell in love with my wife (Sarah) 12 years ago. We have one of the happiest marriages i know of. Over the years we talked many many times about involving ourselves with other people. As years went by, we both grew more and more interested. About 4 years ago we finally decided to give it a try - we wanted to meet a couple that would be decent, opened, caring, funny... "normal" - who wouldn't want just sex on the 1st meeting, but who we could be true friends with.. and talk to.. and if something happens - all the better.
So, after a few disappointments, we met this couple. They had no sexual relationships with anyone but their spouse, both before and after getting married. We found that to be a good thing at the time, because Sarah had (and still has) a lot of problems with recurring yeast infections.. but that's another story
They were curious, but in no rush. They were funny, nice, decent, "normal" people. They were exactly like us! they were perfect. We liked them, they liked us
So eventually we started to fool around and experiment... and it was pleasant for all.
But soon... some problems started to arise. Sarah was starting to get reluctant... Main reason for that (in her words) was the fact that they (as it turns out) were in a sort of a rush. They had 2 small kids and had little opportunity to "go out"... and they kind of wanted that when they do take the trouble to find the babysitter and get a free night to spend with us - they wanted something (sex) to happen. Sarah started having more and more problems with that.. and our encounters faded away. I didn't mind a lot. I mean, i wanted to continue, but If she didn't, I was OK with that. But I knew that that was not all.. that jealousy had much to do with the reasons too.
We talked about it a lot.. I always had my "theories".. how I don't see the difference between sex and any other group activity. Why is it OK to go to badminton.. or play cards.. or go hiking.. or have coffee.. with anyone - but not sex. Furthermore, what is the difference between "friendship" and "love"? And how come we teach little kids to love everyone, to kiss everyone.. but once we grow up - then suddenly you can only love ONE person, and the rest you can only be friends with.. And all these rules that are pretty contradictory to each other when you start analyzing them. We talked about it from time to time.. and she always agreed with me.. and we laughed about it together.. of contradictions in people around us.. and society in general...

A few years went by in which we weren't seeing anyone else - we went back to being our happy selves
But we still talked about it a lot.
We had these friends, Daisy and Aaron. We were always close friends, but we started to hang out more and more with them. A lot more. It was like... they matured towards us.. or we matured towards them.. or something.. but we got along a lot better then before and started to sped more and more time together. They liked to talk about sex and we did so frequently. We always laughed and made all kind of sexually related comments.. We would by Daisy a sexy outfit for her birthday (which she happily tried out in front of us).. and the other way around... We liked them a lot.. they liked us. I loved them.
We told them about our previous.. "experiences"... they were interested.. we were getting more and more horny. We new something will eventually happen
So on new years eve (so, a little more than a year ago), we decided to.. go a little further. Nothing extravagant, we were all in one room, we started kissing.. touching.. getting naked.. having sex.. It was amazing. One of the best experiences I ever had. We ever had. I loved them even more.
In the next month or two, we went everywhere together.. and had sexual and sensual experiences everywhere.
I forgot to mention that Daisy was pregnant.. she was due in March.. so it all kind of.. started to fade away. Again, the reasons said out loud were one (Daisy was getting REALLY pregnant and she "shouldn't".. and after that she was a fresh mom and shouldn't.. and after that their lives revolved around the baby and "didn't have time" for anything else).. but she wanted more. I wanted more. Aaron didn't say anything much, but I know that he wanted it all to stop... and so did Sarah. But no one said anything.. We all "played" like we were still all for it, just can't now on the count of Daisy being pregnant.
But i found out I spent a loooot more time communicating with Daisy then before. Everything about her fascinated me... and the other way around. I fell in love. So did she. Aaron and Sarah didn't.

They wanted everything to stop. We didn't. I guess it was too late. Days without Daisy became.. unbearable. We talked over the phone and IM-s every day. We still hang out together, all 4 of us, a few times a week.. but nothing sexual. Sarah and Aaron became more and more clear that they didn't want anything more.. we were getting more and more.. vague. Fights were getting more and more frequent.. between Sarah and me.. and between Aaron and Daisy.
We were getting desperate... eventually, we started seeing each other without Aaron and Sarah knowing.

...

We were still hanging out, the 4 of us.. but not so frequently. Fights were getting more and more intense. I tried to tell Sarah every day, but she didn't want to hear it. Eventually she found out. And nothing changed. We still fought at home. I tried to stay away from Daisy.. but it was impossible. I loved both of them and didn't want to choose. Daisy loved both of us and didn't want to choose. Aaron didn't want to know anything about it and pretended that nothing was happening. Sarah and i fought constantly - she wanted me to stop.

Things are still pretty much the same, just heated up to infinity.
Sarah started to talk to other people about it in search for comfort.. it didn't come. Everyone told her to just dump me. Daisy and I are getting more and more desperate - we didn't want to loose our spouses, but didn't want to loose each other too. The pressure of having to lie to Aaron is killing us. Killing me - I can only imagine what it does to her.

I don't know what will happen next.
Daisy will tell Aaron today.
The general consensus (what Daisy, Sarah and Me think) is that he'll not be able to go past it... they'll have a HUGE fight and he'll just walk out. I don't know what will happen then. She'll most likely come to me for comfort... and I'll give it to her. Sarah will not like that.. and eventually walk out on me. As the say, the lives of 4 people, not to mention one child, will be ruined. Friends, families in shock and horror, divided.

I hope I'm wrong about all of this. I still hope that by some miracle, the sun will come out in the morning and everything will be OK tomorrow.
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