Is it appropriate to ask...
Is it appropriate to ask if the people you are seeing have other sexual partners? In the lifestyle I think it's more assumed you may have other patners. Or better I should say I've known a great deal who have played the field so to speak.
Even in the lifestyle I never had more than one interest at a time (whether that be a couple or single female) That's just my cup of tea. I generally wanted to see where that road led & wasnt interested in throwing out a wide net. For me I have to like you & have some sort of connection to enjoy the sexual aspect. It never felt like to me I could develop a connection if I was talking to an array of people. In addition life is just too hectic for me to juggle people.
The gentleman of the couple we are seeing had originally discussed they'd like to at some point be exclusive & discuss discarding condoms. Safety is such a huge issue so while it's appealing will take a HUGE amount of trust.
Recently he let let me know he & wife were getting tested again (last test was 6 months ago) and inquired if I might at that point have any interest in discarding condoms. I responded that I would be open to the discussion only if there was an agreement of exclusivity to which he said he understood. I guess I read into that to mean they were considering taking to the next step of only seeing one another (which is my personal preference)
However a conversation Hubby had with her has me doubting. She had expressed that she wasn't so great with compliments. Hubby likes to compliment. He's southern & it's part of his DNA. But he's also selective whom he compliments because he is genuine. He wanted her to understand he's not like a cheesy car salesman. So, he shared with her that he's not complimenting anyone other than she & I. Her first response was that she didn't ask him to not talk to other people & she's ok if he does. He then explained that it's just how we prefer to do things. My first thought, because she's this free spirit who doesn't want to be tied down, that she didn't want us to assume exclusivity until she offers it.
I had taken for granted based upon things he said that they weren't seeing anyone else. But if she said not to stop talking to others because they're seeing others it gives me reason for pause based upon his request to stop condoms. If they ARE involved with others (which is totally their perogative) and he's suggesting we play without condoms I find if disrespectful to me. It also makes me question his integrity because whom else might he be asking the same. Condoms are never a question & I've always been selective in playmates that were as steadfast about safety. This is the first I've ever considered the possibility of discarding them because I felt we were building a relationship (though I still had reservations to agree considering how new this relationship is).
After giving this some thought I realized there have been a lot of assumptions made on our part & reading into things they've said. Since there are no agreements to see only each other is it acceptable to ask if they are seeing other people?