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Old 03-29-2012, 05:18 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
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Thank you, so sweet of you all to feel for us. It wasn't the brightest day of our life, but it wasn't the darkest as well. I am doing better as I know what I will have to face by now. Uncertainty can certainly kill to some extend and our optimism is back after some ambiguity is removed. Or better: activism in the case of my mother.

We went to see the doctor around noon and he told my mother that even though the results won't be there till Tuesday, to arrange things to go into hospital as soon as possible. The question wasn't any longer if the cancer was an aggressive one or not, just what kind of cancer she will have to deal with as the three bigger metastases are malignant for sure. From that outcome the therapy she needs to undergo will be deduced.

She cried after the first shock, but she had braced herself for that outcome. There are some possible further shocks in front of her: removal of her breast, deformation, chemotherapy, missing the wedding of my sister. Nothing is fixed by now or sure. The last point made her take action immediately. As there was no sense in shying away from facts she got active right away and made an appointment at one of our local hospitals, got the documents from her gynaecologist and started to think about every possible outcome in advance to make preparations (guess where I got that trait from … ). She was even able to joke about possible bigger breasts after all the hassle as her natural ones are really small and if they have to cut out that much damaged tissue, they need to be 'filled up' again. *sigh* This kind of gallows humour is reassuring and shocking at the same time.

My biggest worry is that knot attached to her lymph node. If the cancer cells already started to spread through her body like they did in the case of my uncle things will be bad. Like really bad. But yeay, I am not panicking right now even though I am afraid of this. It bothered me a bit that my mother intentionally didn't tell me about the disease at the beginning of the year, where the first examination had already taken place. She said that she knew that I would react too emotionally and she didn't wanted to tell me in advance because she knew that I would have worried sick without a specific cause to do so. Well, maybe she is right. But that isn't that great to hear. All the others knew about it. Do I really need to be protected that much? Or am I even stressing and burdening the others with my reaction? I will have to look into that a bit more as it isn't a trait I want to own voluntarily.
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Last edited by Phy; 03-29-2012 at 05:21 PM.
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