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Old 03-29-2012, 04:06 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by OkNewbs View Post
Is this a "normal" poly viewpoint? I mean I know you can't really call anything normal because every person/relationship/situation is different... I guess: is it common for secondaries to have children with the primaries? ("Secondary" & "primary" chosen because we as a couple have a hierarchy, I know that's not everyone's preference) I think part of my freaking out over that thought is that I never even considered that as an option. I always just assumed I'd be the only one having my husband's kids, and so did he.

We're giving it a month or so. At that point, if she's mellowed some, Hubbs wants to bring it up with her. He said he wants to make clear that he's not comfortable with them having kids together, but he has no objection to her having more kids with someone else. If that's not what she wants, we'll have to reevaluate.
It is perfectly fine to tell her that neither of you would want your Hubs to father any children with anyone else. That is a boundary that needs to be respected, and then everyone would have to make sure that protection and birth control are used diligently. Or have a boundary against him having PIV sex with her, just to be sure.

Remember, you can still keep looking for a potential partner. She's not the only fish in the sea.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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