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Old 03-29-2012, 05:08 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
I didn't sulk away. I just walked away.
Oh, that's what I wrote - you walked away, not that you sulked away. When you wrote, "What do I get? A lonely computer chair," that sounds like you were eventually sulking somewhere else. BUT that wasn't my point, so don't focus on that!! My point was I thought you gave up too easily on asking for what you needed at that moment, and yet you complained that she wasn't meeting your needs. You see the irony there, right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
The last 5 years are what stopped me. If she's not in the mood and says, "no" then all I'm going to do is irritate her. If she's not in the mood and gives me even a hesitant light then yes, I continue my pursuit but this was not one of those cases.

I can't even tell you how many times I've said I wanted to cuddle and she says "no, I'm comfortable" or "no. You know I don't like doing that".
That's one thing I've learned -- not to be afraid to irritate someone if it means being honest and cracking open the walls they put up, even for just a moment. My husband used to thank me afterwards for not giving up, even though he had shut down and I was bugging him at first.

So, I'm confused. In your other thread, you said that you and she had had some problems, but resolved them. Now it sounds like you've got quite a bit of resentment about her not being as affectionate as you'd like. Have other problems surfaced? Are you two in any kind of marriage/couples counseling or therapy? It sounds like that might be helpful.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-29-2012 at 08:02 AM.
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