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Old 03-29-2012, 01:23 AM
MiserrimusDexter MiserrimusDexter is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 4
Default Welcoming myself to the group....

Hey,

My name is Rob. I am 50 and in a 25 yr old monogamous relationship. I am exploring polyamoury as an alternative to monogamy as a way of expanding and broadening. This has created stress and in many ways a lot of interesting conversations in my relationship.

One of the drivers for me is related to my history as a child. This involved maternal sexual abuse, and crazy making style bullying from my mother and sister. My sexuality and erotic side was crushed, and in many ways has been healed by my relationship with my wife to whom I am devoted.

The problem for me is that it causes me a real pain and resentment to have my sexuality controlled by an institution and another person. I feel that I need to stand alone with my sexuality. Complicating the situation is that I have recently come out as interested in BDSM from a dominant perspective. This has been an issue in my fantasy world since I was five, and took a long time to embrace and own publically. This has been exhilarating.

I used to fall in love, and suffer the agony of strong feelings going nowhere, now I want to explore new things and fall in love and have it go somewhere, certainly somewhere beyond what we do now.

I am a trained psychotherapist, and have done lots of work on myself, and do this as a spiritual practice.

Wife and I are contemplating seperation as the option, though she is starting to explore poly as a way forward. The seperation possibility has lots of things driving it, and we are doing it now because we are not in a crisis. We are seeking out what we can keep, and our sexual relationship is part of that, as is our meeting of minds.

I now define myself as Polyamorous and Monogamous. I am monogamous because I made vows twenty five years ago that I want to honor, or renegociate. I live as a jesus-freak amongst a lot of very alternative people so do have some very good examples of poly and other more complex situations.

I am attracted to polyamoury because it does look like a new way to order family, romance and sexuality. I am a serious person and see that this is an option that didn't exist 25 years ago, though renegociating a long relationship is scary and in some ways heartbreaking.

If you feel to say hello, and make whatever helpful comments. I am hoping to find the right people, to support me through this stage.
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