Wednesday - Midday Madness
For lunch today my wife met me in town and we went out. It was a really nice gesture but we talked very little and I got a little irritated with her when she got her phone out to talk to LA. At first she got it out just to read what his text had said and put it away, then got it out to respond. I know she has this habitual need to respond to every text she receives (I do it too) but fuck, you're only going to see me for an hour tops. He can wait. In my frustration I got my phone out and pretended to play on it for a while. I felt stupid acting like I was doing something when I wasn't and I also felt like a child for evening up so I put it away. Not very long after she got it out again and started playing phone games. Christ woman. Put your fucking phone back in your purse. Eventually she did but it frustrates me that I had to ask her several times to do so. Whatever. Moving on.
With my new schedule I have been home earlier. Generally my wife's sex drive peaks around 3 PM and since I got home around 4ish I was really looking forward to spending some time with her especially considering the kids were still taking their naps because of the lunch plans. I wasn't necessarily looking for sex... oh who am I kidding. I wanted sex. I asked her if she wanted to do anything and she said pretty flatly, "no". Okay, so I walk away and eventually one of the kids wakes up. So now I'm sitting here waiting for the day to go by so I can talk to A. I'm trying to meet my wife's needs and I'm trying to be a supportive husband but it is difficult beyond measure sometimes. It's not that she's doing anything wrong. She's giving me hugs, kisses, dancing randomly and being playful. But she isn't attending to my needs. I want some form of closeness throughout the day. Hugs and kisses last seconds. I want a solid 15-30 minutes per day. What do I get? A lonely computer chair.
Two nights ago A asked me if I was texting her while laying in bed with my wife. I didn't mention it in my post regarding Monday because I had forgotten about that detail until I had gone back and read a few of our texts. I'm not really sure why she asked me that but I remember thinking two things. One, it was ... exciting to talk to one girl while laying next to another. I know I'm not cheating, and I know my wife is okay with me talking to A but it just is one of those silly things where someone calls you out and you get sheepish. The second thing I thought was that I wanted to talk to my wife the same way I talked to A. Had I been cuddling and talking to my wife, I wouldn't have been on my phone. Then again, if my wife and I were romantically close, a lot of things would probably be different.
Oh well. Today is just a long day. Tonight and tomorrow will be better.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith
Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old