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Old 03-28-2012, 04:03 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurelie26 View Post
The way I tell him I dont want to discuss/compare them in bed sounds awkward because I feel awkward. What do you say to someone when they ask if your lover has a bigger dick? I cant tell him the truth, that it's twice the size of his, and he's to nice to tell him it's not his business. I fumble over my words and I think that makes it worse.
Well, if you're feeling awkward to answer that, you don't have to hide feeling awkward. We always think we have to project some kind of image that we're totally together. But there is nothing wrong with letting him know his question flusters or upsets you.

I would say this: "Why are you asking me that? I don't like questions like that - it upsets me and I don't know how to answer you. You are both different and I enjoy sex with both of you in different ways. It's not about penis size, it's about the person I'm with. I'm not that shallow, so I wish you would stop asking me these kinds of questions. Now, what is this about? Why have you started to focus so much on what I do with my lover and what he's like? Don't you know how much I love and care about you?"

Also, I thought of something else I wanted to suggest to you. Whenever someone seems to be okay with a situation, and then suddenly starts asking questions and getting bent out of shape about it, oftentimes it's because they've been talking to people who judge the situation and poison them with negativity. It's possible that your bf might have been influenced by a friend or acquaintance who made comments about things like that. You know, some guys will say, "She gets it somewhere else because you're not enough of a man for her," and shit like that. So, I would also ask him if someone has been feeding him that kind of bullshit. And then tell him that those people have no right to make comments like that because they don't know you or the situation, so he shouldn't even listen to them.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-28-2012 at 04:06 PM.
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