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Old 03-28-2012, 10:46 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 604
Default Waiting, but too scared to give in to hope right now.

Not much time passed, but a lot has happened. I can't say that I feel at ease and thoroughly happy right now.

First of all, related to the last entry: We rearranged our plan for the nights, I am starting to spend two nights in a row with Sward from now on, as we miss each other too much during our busy weeks. This will last as long as Lin and I get to see each other on a similar regular basis as right now. That was an improvement, even though, Sward realized that he had started to get into similar emotional states, as you would normally expect from women during 'those special days of the month'. When he himself noticed what was happening to him, he had to laugh about it. He could get into some moody states from time to time, but the poly situation seem to have enforced this trait of his. But it is manageable, as he said, he himself is mostly effected by it and working to fix his mood swings. I would categorize this as a small problem, but I will keep an eye on it.

For my personal situation, all I can say is that I am stressed. Big time. By the end of the month my papers should be handed in to get my certifications and such to register for the finals. One of my profs is on vacation and will be here after Easter, too late to make it on time. I will see how I am going to manage that. I need to finish another paper by tomorrow and send it by mail. Some of the office hours are during my time for work need to borrow the car from my mother to get there and be back on time for my tutoring job, even though the car is 'half-broken' as one of the breaks is making some issues... Yeay, fun!

The biggest and baddest news I received was yesterday. My mother came over to talk to us and the moment she came through the door I knew something happened. She was diagnosed with breast cancer. All we know up to now is that it spread through both breasts and already settled down in her left lymph node under the armpit. I think I am still in some kind of shock. I lost my uncle last year, cancer had spread through his whole body, it had been too late for him. I try to keep my calm, we don't know yet how bad it is in the case of my mother, but I tend to be too emotional in 'normal' situations already, I am not doing well on that front. I am really relieved that I am not alone during the day right now, as Sward is working all day. Having Lin right here to distract me has helped a lot. I am utterly scared about what we may know at the end of the week.
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Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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