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Old 03-28-2012, 08:07 AM
urmila urmila is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: chennai, India
Posts: 56
Lightbulb finding justification

I have used the two weeks on reading whatever I could on polyamory. Another thing I did was a lot of introspection about why we want to be poly, which is a very alien concept to us, and we hadnít heard about this until a few months back. I analysed our background and our present situation, both my family and my cousinís and came to my own conclusion, which I donít know if it is correct, some might term it as an excuse or self justification
We are upper caste Hindus and belong to the section of society which is very religious and even ritualistic. My marriage was an arranged marriage, in the sense, it was finalized by our elders, and the one and only interaction we had before marriage, was for about Ĺ an hour, when we met each other first time. My acceptance was taken for granted and asking for my opinion was only a formality. Perhaps in his case, he had a say.
My family consisted of my parents and an elder brother who has settled in USA and has taken citizenship of that country. My fatherís widowed sister and her son, 2 yrs. younger to me, was also staying with us. Now both my parents and my aunt are no more. Since I moved to Chennai after marriage, we havenít had much of interaction with other families, who r in our ancestral village. My husbandís position is similar to mine, except that it is his sister who has migrated. Over the years we have drifted apart from our roots. And since we r from a different state and talk a different language, our social circle is limited here
My cousin, who was staying with his mother in our house, hasnít got any other close relatives, and he has married a girl outside our cast, hence the wifeís family has disowned her, but she was given her share of her parentís property, which is quite good. Even I after my parentís death have inherited the property, since my brother was not interested in that. Why I am telling this is both me and my cousinís wife have some income of our own.
As u might have understood both our families was living in almost isolation without any close friends or attachments. After my son left for college, we and especially myself was feeling quite low. The moving of my cousin last year to this place for taking up a job, was therefore was godsend gift. And we asked them to stay with us until they get a good accommodation near our place. As it was taking time to get a convenient accommodation, they had to stay for some days during which we all came close and I didnít want them to move out. We gave notice to our 1st floor tenant to vacate, so that my cousin and his family can move in. From first April it will free and they r going to move their things from bílore in about 10 days now.
I donít know when and how my cousin and his wife came to now about the concept of polyamory. Since we all liked each other so much, the idea appealed to them and when first it was broached with my husband, he was in a way relieved and happy for my sake, he readily accepted. Even with all my posturing and asking for time to consider, I know I would love to have that relationship.
I think because of the absence of any close relationship with any body other than our spouses (and of course, our son, in our case, who is any planning to abroad for his higher studies next year) which has made this polyamorous relationship so attractive and the circumstances are so conducive to it, it had to happen. I donít know if it sounds convincing to others, but I am sure about it. As we are not going into it because we have any problems with our present relationship, and about 9 months of living together has made us realize we really love them and they love us. We donít want to loose this and want to make it permanent. And we are all sure this will work out very well for all 4 of us.
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