Thread: Fear; advice?
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Old 03-28-2012, 03:28 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,524

Originally Posted by OkNewbs View Post
I know rationally that that's not an issue... But rationality & emotion are not entirely compatible all the time.
Our emotional responses sometimes take a while to catch up with what we "know."

Dude and I had a conversation a while back where we both disclosed that things were going so well but yet we both, independently, had a sense of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." (...even though the few "shoe-dropping" occasions we had experienced up to that point were more like socks or slippers slipping to the floor soundlessly) There was a sense that MrS (or me - in Dude's case; or Dude - in my case) might suddenly come out with a declaration of "I can't do this anymore." and the whole happy scenario comes crashing to a halt. (Even though we had all had multiple - "I'm okay, are you okay?" conversations)

For us that has faded somewhat, only to be somewhat re-sparked each time a new hurdle was crossed. But to a lesser and lesser extent. I still feel that way at times (usually when I am away from the boys and thinking about how unusual - outside of these forums - our situation is). I worry that MrS is harboring some secret resentment that is building, or that Dude will come to realize that sharing someone's wife is too complicated and life would be simpler with a mono GF.

Then I come home and see them together and happy...and I remind myself that the "here and now" is what I have and I should appreciate and savor it for what it is...because the future is only ever a potential.

I think that you have done as much as can be done "prepping" for these moments. You will have doubts, you will have set-backs (possibly? probably?) - but for now...ENJOY!

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
SLeW: platonic girlfriend + BFF
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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