I wanted to post a followup. We are still dealing with emotionally raw issues, reading and working on Love Languages. I'm also reading Polyamory in the 21st Century to better understand her reaction and feelings from the case studies.
There are a lot of issues from her past that she's shielded me from but have been dredged up - feelings of inadequacy, fear of loss, instability, and trust (I know these are probably typical to a degree, but there was abuse early in her life that caused severe trauma).
At this point we are working on her fears and issues and building our relationship. I really want to get back that feeling of intimacy, dating that we had and show her how much I love her. Neither of us is ready for a major change, but she is open to me having a romantic friendship and seeing where that would lead as long as she is shielded from it.
This is far from what I expected when I brought it up a week ago. I am hopeful that we can survive this together and our marriage will be stronger for it. And perhaps we can eventually find a mid ground to make both of us happy.
Thank you for the advice and wisdom.
Last edited by Bach; 03-27-2012 at 08:58 PM.
Reason: Edited to clarify - I'm not asking her to read more on this subject and won't for a long time. Too much to heal first.